Bullying

How I overcame bullying and the best advice I would give

It happens to most of us sadly and it happened to me on many occasions and even to this day in 2020. Bullying can come in many formats. The physical. I was beaten so badly by my father when I was at school with the cane which had a rope around it.

Happy times are soon

I couldn’t sit down

That I could not sit on my chair at school, I had to sit on my coat, I thought at the time of going to the school nurse and asking her to look at the bruising. However, I thought if I did that my mum and dad would get in trouble and maybe split up, so I didn’t say anything.

The group, peer pressure bullying., I was out with my brother and his friend, I was 14 at the time, a large group of boys had seen us down the park and were heading for the three of us, I remember thinking I know what is going to happen, my brother was 4 years younger, I told them both to walk on and I stayed still.

Bullying

The group caught up with me, there were about 20 boys mixed ages, all of a sudden I was hit in the face, everyone jumped me, next I’m on the ground protecting my face and crying. They eventually stopped kicking and punching me and walked off.

Power struggle with management

Management and power struggle bullying, this I get a lot of, I would like to think I’m intelligent and knowledgeable having studied so many different subjects and done so many different jobs.

I see myself as a quiet person, not one for the limelight, works hard and says very little, yet too many managers, directors have felt inferior and somewhat insecure about my knowledge so get their managers to bully me verbally and emotionally the knock-on effect of this is I get ill and then have to have time off, When you hate a job that much, you have to leave it, your health it more important.

What have I learnt

At the time, it’s not pleasant, that time will pass, they will go away. Don’t react to them, that just feeds them, ignore them if you can, they will give up and pick on someone else. I have learnt that it is about jealousy and insecurity from there life’s if they do it to you they have and will do it to others.

I was a police officer for 4 years, in that time I never took out my baton, I was in many difficult situations and sometimes I had to take people to the ground, however, I never reached for my baton or hid behind as some of my colleagues did.

sadness from bullying

Talking is powerful

I have learnt over the many years, talking to people is a very powerful tool, listening to them, then saying nothing when they have run out of steam and then walking away.

There is no shame in walking away, it is not a sign of weakness, it is not shameful, the bully can’t talk to themselves, some just give up then and there, some follow you for a while then give up as your not answering them or adding to the fire.

Do not for revenge

Trust me, I have been down this road, wishing them harm, hope they get run over by a stream roller A big lesson here to learn and one I have helped so many clients with is. If you keep thinking about them, they become more powerful. I help a lot of survivors of sexual abuse. I say to them” If you don’t forgive who or what they did to you, they will take up rent-free space in your mind”.

Bullies never win

Don’t let the bullies win, they do move on, when you ignore them, or fight back and report them to HR at work. A good tip that I get people to do. Is get some paper and pen and write down all your thoughts, anger. Resentment and anything and everything about the bullies that are in your head, you must write every single thing and clear your head.

Beauty is around the corner

Then and this is the most important, Do Not Read it or check it, why? Because you have just cleared your head and if you reread it, you put all those nasty thoughts and feelings back into your head and you really don’t want that. The exercise will only take 20 minutes, when the time is up, rip up all the paperwork and don’t show anyone it, which allows you to write a the good, bad and ugly that we all think sometimes.

So after ripping it up. Burn it or throw it way. Best to burn then you can’t get it back out of the bin.

Remember, it is OK to be yourself. We are all different and special. We are unique.

Author of books on Amazon

I haveĀ  9 books selling on Amazon and I can’t spell, people come into my life that can help me proofread. I heal animal’s around the world from pictures people send me. I tune into their energy, that makes me really weird.

I have been misunderstood most of my life, they have judged a book by its cover and not met the real sensitive me. Then when they realise there mistake. They want to be my best friend. Too late. Thoughts, feelings and emotions are powerful enemies if you keep thinking about them. You are in control of your thoughts and your life.

The wonderful world of colour therapy

I have always enjoyed using colour in my wide range of therapies. I use it to colour scan animals when offering animal healing, I do this 1-2-1 or working with photos that clients send me. Chakra balancing is another way of healing people, I have them lye down on my healing couch and then place the 7 chakra stones down their body.

The colours are Red. Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Purple and White. When I colour scan animals, I don’t see the colours I never have, I just in my mind scan along the body maybe tail to head. At this point I’m looking for a feeling as I scan, for me, this shows up as an energy blockage. I can at that point start looking and feel what is going on with the animal whereabouts on the body the blockage is.

colour therapy

I will be discussing cause and effect (causation) on another blog. Otherwise, I will go through all the colours and come back to the ones that have blockages or just need some attention. Not all colours will have a problem, I could do the same animal of person the following day and the colours would tell me a different story we are always changing.

How it all started with reading colours

I remember when I was working at Wembley stadium of which I still am 8 years later as part of the medical team and responsible for going on the pitch if and when players got injured. We would have some time after training and getting the daily brief for the event. When a nurse I was working with had heard that I did this colour psychic thing as she called it, it was new to me really back then I had to learn to trust my instincts more and become more confident about the information I would get and then pass on to the person in front of me.

The conversation would start like ” what colour am I today Gary” I would look at her and just say the first colour that would enter my mind, I never saw colour or a ready break glow about her. Just a colour would come to mind. Followed by the question I am always asked: ” what does that mean”. I would then just give information that was coming to me about her life, relationships, work etc..

Healing colours

I have never been one for going down the standard route, Red means security, therefore, you feel insecure, not like the tarot cards, most readings are done on the memory of the picture, when I do card readings I leave the cards facing down so can’t and don’t want to read the picture, only after the reading of the card do I then turn the card over and say ” told you so”.

I always encourage people wanting to learn more, just have a go, only then will you become more confident about the information you get. We do have a psychic gift within us all, I have studied a lot of therapeutic intervention, but none on colour reading and psychic skills.

colour therapy, chakra balancing
Colour therapy

A natural gift

I do feel now that I just seem to have s natural gift, which overt he year’s has he me some amazing readings, which have been incredibly scary and made sense to me at the time but to the person listening, made a lot of sense to them. I find also the more I work with energy now the more emotional I become, I sometimes can get really upset feel the persons heartache and pain they have been through.

I just except it as part of the gift and pleased I can help so many animals and people

How to give a powerful presentation

There are only 2 times when you are on your own when you are dead and when you are about to give a speech. It is very scary as you look out to your waiting audience, so silent you could hear a pin drop. The thoughts that go through your mind, the butterflies in the stomach a bead of sweat seems to be heading down your nose.

Welcome to giving a speech, seen as the number one phobia. It is something that everyone dreads, no matter how confident people seem. In my own experience, you get used to talking in public, or I started to enjoy it. It wasn’t something I chose to do. I good friend of mine suggested that I should do a small talk as I have so much knowledge in my head that people need to know.  I agreed to do a talk, I can’t remember what my first talk was.

What I do remember is really enjoying my mind and body talks. So much so that I use to do a talk about body language, the store I would do these talk had a beautiful room in the roof, surrounded by large comfortable cushions, if you got there early otherwise you sat on the floor. The body language talk would attract 60 people. The room was packed I couldn’t see the carpet. I had to stand as no room to sit, ladies literally sitting on my toes. Madness loved it. My favourite subject.

It’s important you know your subject otherwise your audience will find you out, there is always going to be various people in the audience who will attack you verbally, or like to be heard and show off.

How to do a presentation

One talk I did on hypnosis, it was public talk anyone could turn up, so you never know who will turn up and what they will ask you. This talk a company owner of a training company that did a teaching on NLP and Hypnosis turned up. This guy went for me most of the night. During the 2 hours I spoke for, he tried to challenge every book I mentioned.

What he found was I had read every book I mentioned and I really knew my knowledge. I had at one point, just had to say directly that as this was a public talk, would he please stay quiet and talk to me at the end. He resigned himself and admitted that I did know my knowledge and stayed quiet for the remaining talk.

Preparation for the meeting

Be honest with your audience, if you don’t know, just say so. There is no shame in not knowing. I use to have a belief that I had to know everything to any question I would ever be asked. I got asked a general question about if I was going to the moon, how many miles is it etc.. I completely crumbled, got hot and sweaty panicked. I didn’t know the answer, I had been found out, I’m rubbish.

Changing your beliefs

This really happened. I could never have known the answer. It was a game-changer for me. I had to except. I couldn’t and wasn’t expected to have all the answers. That night I changed my belief. That it was OK not to know everything.

Now, I have always wanted to do a large audience and take questions from them about any mind and body questions, because I really have studied this area for the last 20 years. I am still learning about neuroscience and quantum mechanics. Plus if I get a question I will just say. I am sorry I don’t know enough about that subject and move on.

It’s important to be congruent with yourself. Try this. Start nodding your head as if you are saying No no no so head going from side to side, then start verbally saying Yes Yes Yes. What will happen is your head will start going in circles. As your thinking No but saying Yes. Ask a friend how their relationship is going, if they say ” yes its really great” but nodding the head in a No position. Sounds obvious and simple. However, they won’t notice they are doing it. Try it. Now you realise the importance of being congruent on stage or the platform your standing on.

Getting an award

In 2014. I was working for the Sussex probation service in the PPO (Prolific Priority Offender’s) high-risk cases from prison. There were 8of us in the close working team and every one of us had a part to play in working with each individual Offender. We were so good at what we did, we built a model that is currently used by all police forces in the UK. We won an award and due to this, we were asked if we could do a presentation on our work.

The location was kept secret as many high ranking police officers and a couple from New York and Government were going to be there. The audience was going to be no less than 250 officers. As you can imagine, there was no rush to offer to speak, 6 out the 8 of us did. I remember my name being called out to speak next. I panicked but moved forward towards the microphone. I started my very prepared speech, my friend was in control of the photos appearing on screen behind me, as there was no way, I could talk, do photos and look at my audience in the eye.

A strange thing happened as I spoke. I relaxed. I could hear my words coming out don’t know what they were saying. I then started to be nosy and look around the room at all the police staff looking at me. It was very odd but also very calming, something I will never forget. My presentation was complete. I returned to my chair. Would I do it again? No. But at least I had a go and now have the memory to talk about.

It is good to step out of your comfort zone, do something that scares you, you may end up enjoying it. The stage is yours.

How I help survivors of domestic abuse

In 2015 I write a book called “My silence is broken” available from Amazon. https://www.amazon.co.uk/My-Silence-Broken-workbook-survivors/dp/1518651593/ref=sr_1_3?crid=1JTAR14V98NME&dchild=1&keywords=my+silence+is+broken&qid=1591977664&sprefix=my+silence+is+broken%2Caps%2C152&sr=8-3

Over the years I have helped so many survivors of abuse. Clients have never come to me directly and said: ” I was raped last night, can you help me”. Clients have come with weight issues or lack of confidence problem!s, through them, telling me their story, I realise that they have been raped over one night or for many years.

#survivor #abuse #lady #sad #lonely #domesticviolence #rape #support

When I do my equine healing which most horse owners are female and while they are grooming or riding their horse they talk to their horses and tell them everything. They are so shocked when the horse tells me what has happened to the owner, who then is so surprised and also shocked that their horse could tell such stories.

Without doubt, they will always say to me “I have never told anyone about the event” Then the relief comes as finally, they can tell their own story to me, over the years it has been a burden and made them overweight, lack confidence or even I’ll. They really are so relieved to finally tell someone.

#sorry #abuse #sex #rape #groomed #survivor #domesticviolence #growingup
Im sorry, please give him back

So how best can I help them?

I have worked with hundreds of cases, it’s more common than you think. There was a point in my life with all the clients I was working with, where I couldn’t meet anyone who hadn’t been raped. It did really effect me as there was so many people. I would just go and have a coffee with a girl and she would end up telling me her survivor story.

Without a doubt. Every survivor I have helped and worked with has always said ” it was my fault” I was drunk, took drugs, walked home late on my own, wore a short dress.

#childabuse #survivors #abuse#hiding #scared #childrenproblems #grooming
Make it stop please

I remember a lady once said to me, she was a yoga teacher and we were doing some confidence work, then out of the blue, or a time where she felt comfortable with me, she suddenly said. “I was raped a week ago, BUT !!!! It was my fault as I sleep around”. I stopped the exercise we were doing and replied” I don’t care how many people you sleep around with, it does not give anyone the right to sexually abuse you. She sat down and burst into tears and told me her story of what happened that night.

Best advice

I said to all my clients, I can’t change what has physically happened to you, it’s happened. However, I can without a doubt change that memory that you have and that will allow you to have better relationships and marriages in the future.

There is a saying I like to use. “If you don’t forgive who or want they did to you, they will take up rent-free space in your mind”. When I say this to clients, they normally swear at me and say things like. No way, They took my innocents, ruined my body and life.

It is important to remember, survivors were at the wrong place at the wrong time, their perpetrator has moved on to other people with no thought or feeling. There is a lot of family members abusing the family, I have heard many stories of baby sitters, dads, grandparents and boyfriends. It does happen in same-sex relationships. Plus you be surprised how many men are raped. With a man, it plays a lot more on the mind and self-doubt of why did they not fight back, maybe they enjoyed it I have done much work in this area.

#itsnotyourfault 2 Great films worth watching about this subject. “The hunting ground” https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4185572/ and “Spotlight” https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1895587/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1 Plus not forgetting in 2019″ Bombshell” https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6394270/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1 came out about Fox News.

I m based in #bristol now, happy to chat via zoom online. www.garysellors.com @emotionalhealingbristol

The interesting world of body language

I have always been interested in human behaviour and psychology, I studied a lot of Desmond Morris work about animals and humans, people-watching is a big book and very interesting.  For many years I was in management so the psychology of my customers and training staff was always fun and my stores always did very well.

Human behaviour

The behaviour will show you when you go into a store people will turn right and follow the path the store wants you to follow. Never go shopping when your hungry as you buy more than you can eat and the time you return home or to your work desk, you won’t be hung.

The 20 minute rule

The hunger will last 20 minutes. Even if you don’t eat anything in that time period. Your body will tell you you are full. Amazing

When you shop, the store knows your pick the items in the middle of the shelves top to bottom. You be in automatic mode, your arm will reach out and grab the middle item stock if you stop to notice this just before you grab the item. Stop and blink your eyes, your eyes will refocus on something else, at that point you have to chance to buy something different.

#bodylanguage #secrets @bristolmbs
#bodylanguage

Shout STOP

You may have noticed I used the word STOP, very powerful word. Next time you talking to someone, say to them “If I could just stop. You there” the person you are talking too there brain will stop, because you told it too and you then have to option of taking them in a completely different kind of conversation You have literally stopped them thinking, and don’t be surprised if they say, what was I talking about.

Have you ever found yourself in mid-conversation and lost your train of thought and the harder you try to get the thought back the further away it goes All you have to do, is say to yourself, the thought will return in 60 seconds and then distract yourself and as if by magic the thought returns 60 seconds later.

#bodylanguage

Your brain

The brain is very powerful, and can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality. Meaning any negative thought you have and we all have them, even me. Trust me with the knowledge I know about mind-body I should be a walking healing temple. Maybe one day.

Your brain will take any thought you have good or bad and see it as a positive no matter how negative your thoughts can be. So be aware of your thinking, whatever you think you will just attract more of the same.

I recommend you notice the negative thought, then simply change it or send you thoughts in another direction. Say 54321 Go away. Your mind is now open to changing direction

If you just move it change your body posture that will help you change your thoughts. If I could ask you to cross your arms, feels comfortable right Now fold them again this time in the opposite way, Feels uncomfortable.

Now keep them in the uncomfortable position and take 3 deep breaths then release your arms and give them a shake. Now return to the uncomfortable position again and notice that it doesn’t feel as bad as when you do it the first time. Just the power of breathing makes your body better.  Amazing and true.

#body language

Three wise monkeys

You know of the 3 wise Monkeys, hear no evil, see no evil and say no evil. Best shown when talking to children They cover their ears if they don’t like what they hear, or there eyes if they see the sight of blood etc.. and cover their mouths when trying to stop words or lies coming out.

As adults, we tend to not be so childish not in our behaviours If a person doesn’t believe what the are hearing they will scratch their ear as you talk to them.

If they don’t like or believe what is in front of them they will rub their eyebrows and when not telling the truth, they will rub their top lip as they talk to you.  Much science has shown that the person in front of you is not telling the truth, their nose will get slightly bigger and itch, hence why they rub it when talking.

When talking to someone in front of you, as you talk, just look at one of there ears, they will start scratching that one, when that happens to start looking at the other ear, they will swap sides then, then go back to the other ear. Your drive them mad and they won’t know what you’re doing.

In another blog, I will cover cause and effect ( causation) What the right and left side of the body means, what does it mean when my leg hurts. Why do some people just seem to have a lot of accidents and car crashes? Your body is telling you something or your attracting things to you by your thinking.

www.garysellors.com @emotionalhealingbristol #bodylanguage #humanpsychology #humanbehaviour

,.

How I heal animals naturally part 2

I like if I can go hands on with animals if in my local area, I like to go in the box with the owner, rider of the horse I explain that they are the problem for the horse, this does surprise them. The more you love something the more powerful it becomes.

How do I do hands on healing

For me anyone can do animal healing, it’s about becoming sensitive to the animal’s energy You don’t need to go on expensive courses, I get people to place their hands on the animal, don’t pin the animal down just let it be, horses generally just stand there. Ask permission from the animal if it is ok to work with them and lay your hands on them.  

The brown horse would not come out of his box

The reason I  ask this, you wouldn’t go up to a stranger and start putting your hands all over them. When you ask permission from the animal, just ask ” is it ok to touch and work with you” you get a gut feeling and gain more respect from the animal. It may sound and feel silly it’s important to the animal your gaining their trust. As you glide your hands over the animal’s bodies, your notice hot and cold spots on the body. Hot spots are slight energy blockages which you can work on. When you get a hot spot, just place your hands on the area and imagine spreading the hot energy away, this will then become a cool area. You can’t cook the animal with too much hands-on healing if the animal has had enough the animal will simply get up and move away as cats and dogs do or the horse will walk away. I am often asked this.

A very happy customer

All the while you running your hands over the animal your start to get a feeling, or something will come to mind, I have learnt over the years to just say what has now entered your mind.

 trust me, do not try and work it out or analyze this, if you do you lose the message for the owner. It will feel odd at first, but just. say what has come up, more information will come to you.

#animalhealing #based in #bristol #worldwide #healing @emotionalhealingbristol

How I heal animals naturally part 1

Around the world, clients send me pictures of their animal’s from France, Australia, San Francisco and the UK. I like to have a full-body picture if possible. For me this allows me to colour scan the body and tune into the energy of the animal. People often stop me in the street when I’m wearing my animal healing or equine healing t-shirts and ask what is animal healing.

Animal healing waiting list

So what is it that I do. If I’m honest, I don’t actually know what it is I do or how it works. I just know and from the hundreds of testimonials around the world from happy clients, it works. Over the years I have done cause of death on 2 rabitts in Australia, This I did as the lady who contacted me had a large ranch and many other animals and was worried to death about losing all of them. The two rabbits I tuned into, one died of kidney failure which they had had all there life, it just work up one day and the other had a heart attack within 15 mins of the first one dieing. This was all very new to me and out of my comfort zone. It  was really just me doubting my skill and lacking confidence at the time, what i didn’t realise at the time, was how many animals and how  large this ladies ranch was.

Only after I had given my findings, did she tell me that she had taken them to the vets for autopsy on both of them, the findings from this were what I had told her. She remains I close friend and has recommended me to other people. 

For me animal healing is a combination of neuroscience, chakra balancing and energy transference. Most people understand when they have children that they know something is wrong with the child, they get a gut feeling. I try and explain that its the same when you have animals, you love them so much they become family. I know when i lost my own 2 cats I never cried so much, they were my life and everything to me.

I see this when working with equine, mainly owned by females, who talk to their horses all day while they groom them then when riding them, so much 1-2-1 time. Animals listen all the time and are so sensitive to what the owners are feeling and saying. The owners are shocked when their horse tells me that they have been raped, they say to me, that they haven’t told anyone one else about that terrible thing. It becomes a blockage for the horse, the horse starts to get I’ll and the owners then get in touch with me.

Part 2 to follow on #animalhealing in #Bristol and #worldwide. also currently work with the RDA in Hertfordshire.

How I helped a client overcome her confidence

My client arrived very nervous and shy looking, this was a lady who owned her own business and yet had lost her confidence . She explained that she felt embarrassed that she had come and saw me, when she knew within her she had the tools to regain her confidence. I like to listen to my clients, for me this is a great skill and rare amongst therapist . How do I listen?

What’s important for her confidence

For me, it is about being present and in the moment when nothing but your client matters, I listen so much that it’s almost like my own heart stops for a moment. It’s like, I am listening to her breathing, I can feel the anxiety of having no confidence being pushed out in the last few breathes as she speaks to me quietly.

Make them feel secure

I knew from my 20 years as a well-being consultant that I could help, not just overcome her confidence, which really wasn’t the main issue. The is always a secondary gain. My client needed to feel more secure about herself, then she would believe in her self once again. How was I going to do that you might ask?

#confidence building #selfesteem #bullying #attractive
Regain my confidence please

Well, I ask my client to remember a time when she felt good about herself, and when I ask anyone this, they always say, I have never been happy, or have no feel-good times to remember. I’m ever shocked to be this reply. Sad, that most people feel this way, however, I can change this memory easily for them. I remind clients that the brain does not understand the difference between reality and made up.

A good example of how

Therefore, what you think in your mind you attract more of. An example would be if I ask you to not think about a purple elephant, you now thinking about the elephant. You have to think about something to not think about it. I will write in another blog more about the workings of the brain.

#goalsetting #fears #phobias
Thank you

I get my client to focus on a good memory and build from there, there is always a nice memory tucked away, once she has the thought then another positive thought comes along. This does surprise them, they are almost embarrassed to have happy thoughts. Once the train of positive thoughts is moving forward, the client feels more relaxed, less self-conscious, they often begin to feel silly, that they doubted themselves, I just listen more and reassure them at the right moment.

Keep up the good work

Have I done a lot of work here? Maybe it was me just listening to her breathing, just being present for my client. I’m not one for just leading my client by the hand. I always know that can find their own confidence and restore their self-belief again. Sometimes clients leave and say, I didn’t really need to come they did all the work themselves. I smile. The energy, attention to detail and providing a safe space for the magic to happen is all they needed.